How can you support someone who¡¯s facing cancer?
September 29, 2025
Medically Reviewed | Last reviewed by Lauren Adams and Cindy Parker on September 29, 2025
Supporting a friend, colleague or loved one who has cancer is a delicate balancing act.
You want to help them in ways they¡¯ll find meaningful, yet you don¡¯t want to overstep any boundaries. You want to provide heartfelt encouragement, yet you don¡¯t want to be annoyingly positive.
You want to give them things they¡¯ll find useful, yet you might not know what they want or need.
So, where do you start and how do you move forward?
Social work counselor Cindy Parker and her colleague, Program Manager Lauren Adams, explored this subject in a recent . Here are three highlights from that discussion.
Be mindful of the language you use
Some cancer patients love terms like ¡°survivor,¡± ¡°thriver¡± or ¡°inspiration.¡± Others find it off-putting ¡ª or even offensive ¡ª when you use those words to describe them.
The solution? Listen carefully to the language your loved ones use to describe themselves, then follow their example.
¡°If someone calls themselves a cancer warrior, you can mirror that right back to them by saying things like, ¡®You bet. And I¡¯ll be right here beside you. We can fight this thing together,¡¯¡± says Adams. ¡°But the language they use may change as time goes on.¡±
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How to support someone facing cancer
Let the patient set the tone when socializing
You¡¯ve finally connected with a friend or loved one who has cancer. You¡¯re eager to show your support. But suddenly, you find yourself tongue-tied. It feels like you ought to know what to do or say, and yet¡you don¡¯t.
The solution? Ask.
¡°Say, ¡®I know it¡¯s been a while, and you¡¯ve probably got a lot going on right now. So, do you want to me to help you problem-solve or just listen?¡¯¡± explains Parker. ¡°Sometimes, just holding the space is enough. Allow that to be their time ¡ª to laugh, cry, vent or do whatever they need to do.¡±
Beware of ¡®grief tourism¡¯
One thing to avoid while supporting a cancer patient is ¡°grief tourism.¡± That¡¯s when you visit a cancer patient during treatment and take pictures of the two of you together. They might not be looking or feeling their best. But you decide that one photo is particularly flattering of you, so you share it on social media anyway.
¡°Some patients are more private about their experiences than others,¡± notes Adams. ¡°They might not want certain people to know what they¡¯re going through, or appreciate having photos of themselves online.¡±
That¡¯s especially true if someone is bald from chemotherapy or puffy from steroids.
The solution: Ask if it¡¯s OK before you take any pictures and then again before you share them. Every time.
For more tips from Parker and Adams, .
or call 1-877-632-6789.